It’s been but a week since I have been an admittedly reluctant member of the drippingly exclusive singles site we shall aptly and only refer to as « Plenty of Shit. » After enticing and cerebral messages such as Eurosexy086’s « do you like sport? » and Cliche87’s « i want to see you right now sexy » I have changed the compulsory description of « what I am looking for » to:
« SWF seeks MWB (man with brain) between 35 and 45 for fun outings and stimulating conversations and NOT for painful interviews with Very Serious Robots on quests for The Proverbial One. Ability to use punctuation and proper sentence structure a HUGE bonus. Wit is but a dream. »
Perhaps it sounds a little bitchy. I don’t care. It’s perfectly accurate. And after the…clientele…I have encountered through messages over the past seven days or so, that is all the effort I can muster. Combine my shitty attitude with the scarily large mass of incoherent, illiterate idiots that seem to dominate the site. Result? The prospect of meeting someone cool is bleak. And that’s me being unfoundedly optimistic about it all.
Having said that, let me tell you that my last relationship lasted two-and-a-half years and we, my ex and I, met online. Fitness Singles. My relationship previous to that was four-and-a-half years and we, too, met online. Remember Myspace? Yeah.
The reason I have always critisized Plenty of Shit is because there is no filter. No fee, no target audience. In defense of the site, it does ask you to list what you are looking for: a serious relationship, a friend, or an intimate encounter. (Side note: I have a seperate, invisible ‘intimate encounter’ profile, too. I made it visible one naughty day, ONE DAY, and received over EIGHT HUNDRED messages. Incredible). But despite the fact that I have, clearly listed, that I am looking for a friend for outings, I have still received messages with unsolicited and detailed descriptions of penis lengths, girths, and how this or that person has incredible stamina and loves to please. The site boasts over a million members. In a normal ‘decent guy to…and I’m being generous here…non-decent guy ratio,’ per capita that amounts to a lot of ‘non-decent’ guys. And with this site it is MY job to sift through them all.
It’s been akin to a part-time job. It’s been akin to the bloody train wreck you can’t pull your gaze from. It is quickly morphing from an honest attempt and naive openness at meeting someone special into nothing more than a social experiment and observation post.
You know those tacky tourist t-shirts? Here’s my parallel: I joined an awful singles site and all I got was this stupid blog post.