It’s like I’m rubbing my nose in it. The sitting on my ass, the eating fast food as I drive, the not going for a run, the not going to the gym. Part of it is that it’s my last chance to act like a stupid asshole. But it’s also that since I have come up with the brilliant idea of incorporating exercise into my lifestyle, making it a function of my life and not an additional task, I can’t bear to just go for a run for the sake of running and not for arriving at a destination I need to get to, a mode of transportation.
The Wendy’s chili is simply my crack. I’ve given up the fight.
It’s like I’ve been saying these last few weeks leading up to my big lifestyle change: we pay to have the ease and convenience of a car. Then we pay again to go to a gym and do mundane repetitious “fake work” to burn the calories we saved by driving our fat asses around everywhere.
Growing up, we didn’t have a car, so I can fathom not having one. Approaching this life-changing endeavour of getting rid of my car, I have had friends say: I can’t fathom not owning a car. Well if you can’t fathom not owning a car then you are way too far removed from your own humanity! We weren’t born in cars, I love to break it to you. (Slightly off topic, but this is as annoying and akin to people who say: I cannot function without my morning coffee. If you cannot function without a coffee, perhaps you simply need to sleep more or, conversely, to get more exercise. And I have more than once made the joke that soon babies in North America are going to be born with little Starbucks coffee cups attached to their poor fetus hands. You go to Starbucks every morning because monkey see, monkey do and because of the inundation of Starbucks coffee shops and because of forgetting to think and because we live in a nation of zombies or robots, the walking incarnations and regurgitations of our eyeballs’ every resting place also known as advertisements. But I digress.)
Of course I can still go for a run to clear my head or because I simply want to but not because I have to or need to.
I have always had a strong aversion to the word should.
Anyhoo. Six days left as an automobile owner. Impatient, excited and deliciously scared as hell!