Dear Fucking Diary

Dear Fucking Diary,

I’m pissed. It started on the subway. This homeless guy asked this man very politely for some change. The guy stared straight ahead as if a human being had not just spoken to him. My heart crashed on the floor. That’s the first thing.

I posted the story on Facebook. Idiot move. Don’t post anything the least bit controversial on Facebook! No wonder cat photos are so popular. Those are wise people posting those cat photos! So a bunch of people “like it” and agree and then someone says actually it’s harassment and annoying. Fuck! And it’s a family member! Double fuck! Then the back and forth between strangers and opinion-holders ensues. And there I am, still in top idiot form, “liking“ all the positive comments and conspicuously leaving unliked the family member’s comments. So now there’s tension and an awkward conversation to be had at the next family gathering and my stomach is in knots about it. So that’s the second thing.

During the whole Rob Ford drama I never said boo. Every Tom, Dick and Harry posted their almighty righteous sneers of a man already down. Bravo, clever underlings! I couldn’t participate. So today my sister posted on Facebook that condo developers should be required by the city to contribute to improving transit in the area. Agreed! I wrote: “You know that fat man that everyone has such a hoot making fun of? He fought hard for just such a stipulation (and many such more).’’ Someone responded: ‘’Not nearly as hard as he fought against increasing the number of homeless shelter beds in the city last year. I meant THAT’s a tough battle: he was literally the only guy to vote against it. What an inspiring man to take on such a righteous cause.’’ End, ridiculously-off-topic-but-can’t-miss-a-chance-to-bash-an-easy-target quote. I think veins in my brain fucking exploded. I wrote: ‘’I knew I shouldn’t have opened my mouth (but that’s never stopped me before) as it’s never about the issue is was supposed to be about. Despite other politics, your point has indeed and nevertheless been raised, dear sister. And a good point it is. Love you!’’ My point was simply that her idea was a good one and had been voiced. Bandwagon Badass saw only who had voiced it and went mad with glee at the opportunity to kick a dead horse. I hate people! So that’s the third thing.

So I’m affected by all this. Upset because humans get upset about things. So I come home and bounce the boil-down of the day off an acquaintance. He says: ‘’Perhaps you should spend less time focusing on other people and try to be happy with yourself.’’ I have to clarify that this acquaintance is the bartender at my local who has a girlfriend and hits on me using great detail about what he would like to do to me with my legs wrapped around him. So the advice on happiness is solid; he clearly is. I tried to keep this in mind but mostly I was too busy losing my fucking mind. I say: ‘’I am happy with myself, I’m just in a funk.’’ He says: ‘’If you were happy with yourself you wouldn’t be feeling this way. I’m just trying to say don’t dwell on the negative, focus on the positive.’’ Is he really saying that I am not allowed to get down? Feel frustrated? Have a bout of sadness or depression? Mourn a break-up? I would be more than alarmed at a person who was 100% happy 100% of the time. Is the goal of life to be unaffected? I think one should visit the dark places. It’s part of our humanity! Visit, experience, learn, grow, adjust, accept, move on. What the hell kind of lame-ass unsolicited advice was this!? WHAT THE FUCK!? So that was the fourth thing.

I literally hate people. I once was saddened and confused at why I was a bit different, never quite fit in, felt awkward and on the outside. Now I’m just RELIEVED.

Advertisements

À propos de Stina

If I could tell you about me in a neat and tidy definitive statement, I don't think I'd be writing this blog.
Cette entrée, publiée dans Uncategorized, est marquée , , , , , , , , , . Mettre ce permalien en signet.

Laisser un commentaire

Entrer les renseignements ci-dessous ou cliquer sur une icône pour ouvrir une session :

Logo WordPress.com

Vous commentez à l’aide de votre compte WordPress.com. Déconnexion /  Changer )

Photo Google+

Vous commentez à l’aide de votre compte Google+. Déconnexion /  Changer )

Image Twitter

Vous commentez à l’aide de votre compte Twitter. Déconnexion /  Changer )

Photo Facebook

Vous commentez à l’aide de votre compte Facebook. Déconnexion /  Changer )

Connexion à %s