I SEE RED!

It all started this morning. I was on my way to work. I was walking across Spadina on College. The light was just turning red and I was not quite at the curb yet. The car there (fine, yes, it was a taxi) was not looking and started to advance on the soon-to-be green light for him. He stopped abruptly when he saw me just in time, and in reaction to his near hitting me, I made a slight gesture with wide eyes and my hand, indicating « Hello! Look! » Nothing obscene or angry, just a little « what the Dickens » hand gesture. You know what he did? He rolled down his window and told me: « Hey! Be happy! » Hey. Be happy. ARE YOU F- -KING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!? I saw red. I said « Yeah. I AM happy. I’d just like to live out my life, thanks. » And I walked on. So that was the first thing.

The day at work was fine. On my way home, I had to catch the shuttle bus (again) because the subway (still) wasn’t running. No biggee. I get home. I need to run 12kms. I am training for a marathon. I had woken up at 4am this morning to run before work but it was TWO degrees and I bailed. It was supposed to be much warmer in the afternoon but instead it was flurrying and gross. Fine. The gym it would have to be. So I get my sweats on, take the damn shuttle (again) up to Yonge and Eg to go to Badlife Fitness. It is STILL under construction. They literally have the treadmills facing a construction wall. I looked at the front desk guy and simply said: « I can’t do it. » And I left. I got back on the damn shuttle and came home. All this had taken almost an hour. I now had no time to run on a treadmill or anywhere because I had plans with a friend. I am really seeing red now!

Then I realized. F–k. With this shuttle bus business, it will take me forever to get to my friend’s house, the show we were to attend starts at ten (an hour I am usually sound asleep by), I won’t be able to drink because about an hour after arriving I would have to leave to come home again since I have work in the morning. Plus I’ve been up since 4am. Plus work will be really busy tomorrow because of the Toronto Frickin’ Marathon. Damn runners! Plus I am just in a fowl and frustrated and defeated mood because of the weather and the shuttle buses and the cab driver and because I didn’t run AGAIN. Ugh! I hate to cancel but I just know my friend will understand when I relay all these horrible facts, right? Wrong! CLEARLY YOU ARE NOT BESTIES WITH A GAY MAN!

I call, because cancelling by text is cowardly and lame, and relay my sob story. The stress is clear in my voice. His response? Silence. I say: « Well thank you for being so understanding. » He says, with zero sincerity: « No problem, enjoy your night. » I then text another long apology as I do feel bad for cancelling although he still has another girlfriend he is going with. As I am writing, he writes, and I quote: « Let me do you the favour…whatever you are writing to me you can not bother for I won’t read…and your excuse is sad and pathetic. Enjoy your night. » Sad and pathetic. THIS IS WHAT I AM DEALING WITH, PEOPLE!

And you know what? I don’t freakin’ care! I don’t care because I simply CAN’T care or I will lose my freakin’ SHIT! I see red! I see red!

Wait a second! Yes. I do see red. Red wine! I pour myself a glass of Wolfblass Shiraz.

That’s how I see red. BITCHES!

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À propos de Stina

If I could tell you about me in a neat and tidy definitive statement, I don't think I'd be writing this blog.
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6 réponses à I SEE RED!

  1. XJ dit :

    You really should be seeing the light. The way you treat others is how you seem to treat yourself. Over commit, and under deliver.

    • Stina dit :

      Hello, XJ,

      Thank you for reading my article. And thank you for your comment which basically insinuates that when one has a « bad » day (almost gets hit by a car, is running late due to public transportation issues, has to make the responsible choice of work over pleasure) that they have somehow made a poor life choice overall and should wake up to some bigger problem. Give me a break! What kind of person reaches out to a perfect stranger to say something negative? Well done, coward! I’ll remind myself of your astute observation that I am « under delivering » to myself as I take my hard-earned money and fly to Paris (yet again) and run my FIFTY-SECOND marathon. Yes, quite a history of under-delivering to myself. Hilarious.

      • XJ dit :

        Listen, It’s just an observation. No need to be defensive. I’ve read many of your droning, nerotic posts and can only conclude that you need to « wake the f*^k up ». The world doesn’t feel sorry for you, nor do they relate to your pedantic problems.

        Going to Paris? Great. Go. Enjoy it and maybe make it enjoyable for us readers instead of using this plaform as an expression of your very retarded internal monologue.

      • Stina dit :

        And you, listen: if you reach out to say something shitty to someone, expect a response. And here’s some advice: if you don’t like my blog, STOP READING IT. Duh. Enjoy being miserable. I shan’t be responding any further. Or maybe I will because this is, again, hilarious!

      • XJ dit :

        Maybe it is that I’m miserable. But, I tell you, this needs to be ascribed to something more because I say so. Something bigger. I may be able to stop reading your blog from this day forward (great advice, by the way), but I can not un-sear that banal torrent of putrid prose from my brain to this point. So, I do what I think you ought to do: I say – Yes, life is shitty. People are shitty and sometimes run me over (in fact, it wasn’t almost for me – I had a couple broken ribs to show for that). In life bad things happen to everyone. Your’s are not the worst, I guarantee you. It is not my solemn duty rush onto a blog publishing platform and SPEW MY MENTAL EXCREMENT all over the web about it.

        My bet is these words are not the person you are away from those moronic typing fingers. I’ll bet you could enlighten us all so much more than this. Maybe I should « know my limits » and take Bobby McFerrin’s musical advice: « Don’t worry, be happy ».

  2. Stina dit :

    Dear XJ,

    Thank you once again for your response. Thank you, also, for acknowledging that I have used my blog to deal with the « mental excrement » that sometimes ensues from a shitty day in a HEALTHY way by WRITING about it instead of LASHING OUT at a random person, as you have done.

    I am sorry to hear that you may be miserable; you sound like you are. I don’t wish that for anyone. However, despite the overwhelming negativity, name-calling and unfounded accusations in your responses, you write very well and have an excellent vocabulary. Perhaps YOU should start a blog and take your own advice and put your talent to use. If you already have a blog or start one, I would love to read it. And I promise you, I will not criticize you for whatever you find the need to write about in your personal, creative outlet. Freedom of speech, darling. That is why I have chosen to approve your comments and respond to them rather than just not approve them and delete them. I have elicited a response from you, and isn’t that, after all, the point of art?

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