I have a bus crush: the tall, handsome Asian guy whom I’m sure hates me because I’m such a bitch to the bus drivers about the overheated buses in the winter. We take the 88 together most mornings and only twice ever in the afternoons. Yesterday was one of those afternoons. I was so happy to see him but of course I showed no sign of this whatsoever because the other time that I saw him on the bus in the afternoon I was so surprised and happy that without thinking I said « Hi! » and he laughed at me. He laughed at me and did not say hello back. Rejection! Humiliation.
« Then there was this other morning that I was, yet again, sweating buckets on the overheated bus. I asked the woman in front of me if she would mind if I opened a window. She said no and I opened it. I did not ask him, my bus crush, because he was seated several seats behind me and also because that would involve speaking to him which I am not capable of. Well. Not long later, he got up from his seat, said nothing to me and just shut the window. I wanted to die. I sank into my seat and stared hard out the window. You see. He hates me. It’s not just « in my head. »
« But, miracle of miracles, for whatever blessed reason, this time I felt a different vibe from him when I got on the bus yesterday afternoon. It felt like perhaps he was happy to see me, too. Happy might be strong. He looked surprised and I did not detect hate in his eyes. I am thrilled!
« My best friend, during one of my sad soliloquies about the bus crush I cannot speak to and whom hates me, has encouraged me to just say good morning to the man. However until now I have resisted this super scary move in light of how my hello went that day. But. I think I will now do this. Guaranteed to be awkward.
« To be continued. »